


We'll Never Go There, Right?

by bubble_bobb



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, Making Out, Mental Health Issues, Post-Break Up, Rough Sex, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22585780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubble_bobb/pseuds/bubble_bobb
Summary: "Don't give me space, that's the last thing I want from you."San pleaded, reaching out to grab Hongjoong's arm and squeeze it. The older ran a hand through his hair, his breathing shaky."You're literally the only one I have left."
Relationships: Choi San/Kim Hongjoong
Comments: 1
Kudos: 61





	We'll Never Go There, Right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi  
> Hope you enjoy  
> Lmk what you think  
> See you soon  
> Have a good day and bye ❤️
> 
> (Title: Ateez; Twilight)

"Please, look at me."

San says, his hand moving to cover Hongjoong's. The older doesn't turn his head, only keeps staring outside of the window, frowning. San sighs, desperation showing on his face. He came to talk to Hongjoong and get things right between them but the only thing he is getting is ignored.

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

San asks, squeezing Hongjoong's hand. He leans closer, hoping for the older to talk to him or at least turn his head to look into his eyes. Suddenly Hongjoong looks down at their hands, taking a moment before pulling his hand away slowly. San frowns.

"You, you never had a problem with it before, I guess it's different now, huh?"

San says, turning to face the other way. He sighs, putting his hands into his lap. San stands up after a while, looking straight ahead, knowing that if he looked at Hongjoong, he would break.

"Should I leave?"

He asks, his voice shaking. Hongjoong keeps quiet. San bites his bottom lip, holding back tears as he turns to look at Hongjoong. The older then slowly looks up at him, shaking his head.

"You have guests coming, don't you?"

San questions, his figure shaking, afraid of what Hongjoong might say. He wants to stay. He wants to tell Hongjoong that they are not enemies. They are friends, still. They are people that used to love each other. Tell him that he still loves him. Hongjoong nods after a little while, standing up to his feet to match San. The younger shivers, his mouth opening to speak.

"Do you want me to help you out?"

He asks, his voice fully shaking now and eyes glassy. Hongjoong slowly nods his head, his eyes traveling over San's face.

The two then move over to the kitchen, beginning to prepare all that is needed.

San takes a few glances at the older, shifting closer and closer before touching the older's shoulder with his own. Hongjoong pauses, looking up as a small smile breaks out on his face. San returns it, feeling his heart flutter.

It's not too long after that the good mood dies down and becomes serious again. San turns back to walk over to the sink, his head feeling like it's about to combust.  
  


_"Don't give me space, that's the last thing I want from_ _you._ _"_

_San pleaded, reaching out to grab Hongjoong's arm and squeeze it. The older ran a hand through his hair, his breathing shaky._

_"You're literally the only one I have left."_

_San said, leaning closer to rest his head on Hongjoong's shoulder._

_"Do you even love me anymore?"_

_He asked and Hongjoong scoffed, a quiet "I do" leaving his mouth. San sniffled, sitting straight back up again, keeping his eyes on the TV._

_"I want to believe you, I really_ _do._ _"_

 _He whispered, his feelings slowly overflowing him. It hurt_. _Everything seemed way too much, way too hard to cope with._

_"If you don't love me.... have you ever?"_

_"Of course I have! I love you! Don't you understand what I'm saying?"_

_San's bottom lip trembled as he turned his head, his eyes scanning Hongjoong's body and facial expression. The older is looking at him with wide eyes, frowning but still looking hopeless and broken._

_"Do you mean the things you say?"_

_San asked and Hongjoong frowned deeper in confusion._ _His eyes narrowed and lips parted to talk._

_"What do you mean?"_

_He questioned, watching as San sat closer to him._

_"If you love me, show me."_

_"Show you what?"_

_Hongjoong asked, the words spilling from San's mouth sounding like nonsense to him._

_"Show me you love me."_

_San answered simply while grabbing the older's hands, Hongjoong's head spinning because of how calm he sounded. His eyes were emotionless, the previously shiny and sparkly orbs were now dead. Hongjoong sniffled._

_"I don't know how."_

_San sighed, letting go of the other again._

_"Of course you don't."_   
  


He washes any excess stuff on his hands, turning back around to look at Hongjoong before the older's phone rings. The man looks up, his eyes meeting San's.

The younger understands, wiping his hands into the nearest cloth and walking to the front door of Hongjoong's apartment.

He opens the door, smiling politely at the woman stepping inside. He shuts the door again, sighing, this is going to be hard, he never liked too much company, and two people were already too many.

The woman then greets Hongjoong with happiness dripping from her voice, embracing him so tightly San thinks he will dissolve in her arms. Hongjoong takes a deep breath after being released, glancing at the widely smiling San and softly smiling himself.

San's heart flips and he frowns, trying his best to calm it down again.

"Who's this nice gentleman?"

The woman asks after a moment of silence and San's blood runs cold. They didn't think about that. Should he introduce himself as a friend? An ex boyfriend? Just a visitor?

"This?" Hongjoong asks, signaling to San. The woman smiles at him knowingly and Hongjoong chuckles, stepping closer to pull San to himself by his waist. "That's, my boyfriend, San." 

San's heart drops, the words imprinting themselves into his memory. Did Hongjoong really say that?

He bows to the woman after a second, smiling as nicely as he can.

"What are you doing?"

He whispers harshly and Hongjoong nudges him, ignoring his question.

"Hongjoong hyung, don't do this."

San pleads quietly but Hongjoong ignores him again, his hand slowly moving lower. San's figure stiffens, now feeling Hongjoong's hand on his hip. He reaches for it before it can go any lower, pulling it back up.

Hongjoong then pulls him to the table, sitting down on a chair and making San sit in his lap. The woman smiles at them nicely, her eyes showing nothing but pure adoration.

It makes San happy, knowing they're safe from judgement. His current position is very questionable but he doesn't say anything. He would rather stay quiet than having to explain what is happening between him and Hongjoong.

"So this is San, he is good looking indeed."

She says and San frowns a little. What?  
  


_"That's what we are now?"_

_San asked, shaking. Hongjoong just stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavily._

_"We fuck our problems out?"_

_The younger speaks again, pulling the covers closer to wrap them around himself tighter. His voice is shaky and at the point of breaking and Hongjoong feels like he made a mistake._

_They should talk this out, figure it out verbally and not this._

_San shakes his head, a sob forcing it's way out of him as he stands up and heads for the door._

_"That's not going to help us."_   
  


Soon the woman leaves, embracing both men tightly with kind words. She steps out of the apartment shortly after, shutting the door behind her loudly.

As soon as they hear the door closing the boys look at each other, holding the eye contact for way longer than necessary. Hongjoong then steps closer, setting his hands on San's waist carefully. The younger's lips part to talk but he doesn't say anything, only stares at the older before his eyes travel down to his lips.

He knows he shouldn't look at him like that or even think about the things he is thinking but Hongjoong means everything to him. He still loves him. He never stopped. Even if he was the one who suggested their break, he loves him.

They weren't okay, their mental state was getting worse and worse every day, he knew he had to step in before both of them went crazy.

Suddenly Hongjoong leans up, pressing their lips together. San doesn't pull back, he could never. His own hands immediately go up to Hongjoong's neck, his thumbs pressing into his jaw gently. The older tilts his head, beginning to walk forward, causing San to back up against the dining table.

San winces but keeps himself in place, kissing Hongjoong back. The older seems hungry for more contact, pulling San's lower half closer and closer. They then move away from the table, making their way towards the couch in the living room.

San lets himself fall back, his back hitting the soft coushins of Hongjoong's couch. They separate after that, looking at each other with eyes filled with lust.

"Is this what we are, again?"

San chokes out, breaking the silence. Hongjoong then frowns, crawling on top of San and comfortably sitting between his legs.

"We're doing this all over again?"

San asks, not giving the fact that Hongjoong didn't answer his first question a second thought. Hongjoong scoffs.

"Shut up."

He says, leaning closer to San and his face, his hands coming to his legs to wrap them around his hips.

"For one second San, shut your mouth, for fuck's sake."

He growls, leaning down to press their lips together again roughly. The kiss is bruising but neither of them pull back.  
  


_"Am I not good enough for you?"_

_San asked, sitting quietly at the dining table with an almost empty mug of tea sitting in front of him._

_"Do you have someone else?"_

_He continued, making Hongjoong stand up from his seat by the TV. The older walked closer, leaning against the table, supporting himself with his arms. San didn't look up, he kept his eyes on the mug, feeling them tear up in Hongjoong's presence._

_"You're talking nonsense, do you even hear_ _yourself?"_

_Hongjoong asked, standing straight up again. San shook his head. This was hopeless._   
  


Hongjoong slides his hands up under San's sweater, his cold hands making the younger shiver. San whimpers, moving his hips when Hongjoong's fingers brush over his sensitive nipples.

The prep goes swiftly, San's heavy breathing soon turns into whiny moaning of Hongjoong's name. His fingers tangle in the older's remaining clothing as he pulls his fingers out of him, spreading the rest of the lube mixed with spit on his dick.

"You're still clean, right?"

Hongjoong questions before lining himself up with San's entrance, waiting for the younger's answer. San nods urgently, feeling the neediness bubbling up inside of him.

"Y-Yeah, you?"

Hongjoong nods, making San grit his teeth and let out a low groan as he finally pushes in.  
  


_San gulped thickly, his whole body trembling as he stepped close to his working boyfriend. He tapped him on the shoulder, getting his attention right away._

_"I think we should break up."_

_"What?"_

_Hongjoong looked at him in confusion, pulling away from his work desk and laptop. San sighed, still nervous and hesitant to talk._

_"Or at least_ _take a break, look what happened to us hyung, you need it and so do I."_

_San let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, looking up to meet Hongjoong's shiny eyes._

_"So, it's over?"_

_Hongjoong questioned, his voice oddly calm but face showing every emotion at once_ _._ _It was tearing San apart._

_"No, I mean, well, I guess yeah."_   
  


San arches his back when Hongjoong hits that bundle of nerves inside of him, his arms scrambling around the older's shoulders weakly.

"I missed you."

Hongjoong groans, closing his eyes as his pace increases in speed. San's breath stutters, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

"You did?"

He asks as best as he can, his voice barely audible because of the pleasure he is receiving. He never thought he'd enjoy such roughness but Hongjoong always convinced him otherwise.

"Fuck yeah I did," Hongjoong growls, tucking his head in the crook of San's neck. "I still... love you."

San's heart skips a beat or two, the simple and to some meaningless sentence making him let his tears fall.  
  
"S-So do I."

He chokes out, feeling his orgasm bubbling up in the pit of his stomach. He warns the older, his fingers coming up into Hongjoong's bleached hair. 

It's been too long. He hasn't slept with anyone in too long. His last was Hongjoong before they separated. What if this is too soon?

The older nods, going harder to push them both over the edge of pleasure while telling him that he is close too.

It doesn't take long, only a few minutes before both of them still, their breathing stopping momentarily before coming out in loud huffs.

They decided on not cleaning up right away, only collapse next to each other on the comfortable couch, filling the air with heavy breathing.

"Did you mean it?"

San asks after a minute, feeling a little nervous about his question.  
  
"Mean what?"

Hongjoong asks, one of his arms covering his closed eyes.

"That... you still love me."

San answers, turning his head to look at Hongjoong. The older removes the arm, looking up at the ceiling before shifting to look at the man beside him.

"Yeah, I-I did."

Hongjoong says, keeping his eyes locked with San's. The younger lets a small smile slip on his face.

"Do you think we could, try again?"

He asks, the smile hearable in his voice. Hongjoong smiles kindly at him.

"Yes, I, I think we could."

San feels a bomb of emotions explode inside of him, deciding on ignoring how their previous relationship went and going new instead. It feels nice.

"I love you."

San tries experimentally, closing his eyes and shifting closer to Hongjoong, cuddling up to him. The older smiles, stroking his cheek before leaning in for a chaste kiss.

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on Twitter? (@ateezlvruwu)


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